So long '09

Thurs: 233 lbs.

Ok, so after much deliberation and scapegoating of the holidays, the flu, the cold, the rainy weather, and the pope, i've decided that i need to up the seriousness of my runs and workouts. That is to say, i actually need to start doing it.

Anyway, no plans tonight. So long 2009. Don't let the proverbial doorknob hit you in the proverbial ass on the way out.

I'll have a drink for all of you tonight.

Salut!

Hay mi estomaga!

Wed: 232 lbs.

So, weather permitting, i'm going to run today.

So, stomach permitting as well, i'm going to run today.

I'm getting lazy, and that's not good.

WATCHING:

"Funny People" - Finally saw Apatow's latest. I really liked it. A bunch of folks didn't, but to me it felt like the most personal thing he's ever done. I especially enjoyed the fake movie posters and movie clips that Sandler's character is in, because goddammit, you know he's done shit like that.

"Observe and Report" - We apparently had a Seth Rogen double feature last night. Here's another film that i've read and heard nothing good about, but i liked it. It's an odd little movie, and it was marketed all wrong.

My dog is spazzing out next to me. It's kind of funny.

Post holiday hangover

Tues: 231 lbs.

So, maybe i didn't run today. But it was raining/sleeting and it was cold, so fuck you. There's always manana. If it's good for the Mexicans in that Kerouac novel, it's good enough for me.

LISTENING:

-The Almighty Defenders - King Khan, Mark Sultan (BBQ Show), and The Black Lips join forces to bring you some Garage Gospel Punk! Hearing it on repeat may make your head explode!

Get a free download of "Cone of Light" here!

-The Smith Westerns - I kind of crapped on these guys at first, but now i'm hooked. Google 'em. You'll probably find some free music all over the place.

-Skinny Puppy - "Last Rites" - I loved this album when i was in high school, and it's now available on vinyl reissue! For the first time! Gothic Industrial Dance Metal...it'll tear your face off and then dig it's fingers around in the wound.

Spader.

A few Christmas pics

Mon: 231 lbs. (about to climb back on that workout horse)

Here's the aforementioned snow pics:

A big pile of family members and dogs.

Snoop Paigey Paige

Drew about to introduce me to a snow drift.

Oh, and i guess i should thank the Chicago Bears for beating the Vikings overtime to give New Orleans the number 1 seed in the playoffs since we couldn't seem to do it ourselves for two weekends in a row. Thanks guys.

Cutler's still a crybaby though.

Stuck in Oklahoma?

So far, 11 inches of snow have fallen today. It's just after 5:00 PM and it's still snowing.

Whoo-hoo! Five day weekend!

Merry Christmas

I'll be out of pocket for a few days. I'm going to Oklahomo to visit my sister and her family. It should turn out to be a great 6 hour car trip with my wife, my brother, my mom, my dog, and myself all crammed in there. Sweet.

So, happy holidays to you and yours. Here'a a little Run DMC.

Top 5 B-Movies I can think of right now

Mon: 230 lbs.

It's getting really hard to run, what with the holidays and family and a thousand other things. I seem to have plateaued around 228 lbs. to 231 lbs. Guess it's time to start smoking crystal meth!

Anyway, here's a few B-Movies that i really like:

1. "Phantom of The Paradise" - Early DePalma is awesome DePalma. He hadn't gotten a chance to suck yet. The film is basically a rock opera version of Phantom of The Opera meets Faust with an awesome glam rock soundtrack. Paul Williams plays a record exec who sells his soul to the devil for success. He wrote and sings a lot of the music, and he also happens to be the writer of "The Rainbow Connection." Totally over the top.

2. "Coffy" - Pamela "Motherfucking" Greer is Coffy. This is the best blaxsploitation flick i've ever seen. It's terrifically un-PC in every way possible. Oh, and look for a young Sid Haig in a supporting thug role.

3. "Lifeforce" - The movie that killed Tobe Hooper's career was originally supposed to be called "Space Vampires," and that would have been just as awesome. Look for Patrick Stewart coming on to another man, a shitload of nudity, and soundtrack by Henry Mancini.

4. "Zombi 2" - I've gotta put some Fulci in here, so here's the best. If you wanna see a slow shot of a shard of wood gouging some one's eye out, or a zombie fight a tiger shark underwater, then this is the movie for you.

5. "Black Christmas" - Please, please, please try to forget the awful remake of this classic. Bob Clark basically invents the modern slasher genre here 2 years before Leatherface, 4 years before Michael Myers, and 6 years before Jason Voorhees. Look for a young Margot "Lois Lane" Kidder, and remember that this same director would make "A Christmas Story" 9 years later.

I'll think of some more later.

Goddamnit!

I guess all pipe dreams come to an end eventually. Let us never speak of this game again. No football boner for me.

Let's all beat the crap out of the Dallas Cowboys! How about it?

Here's hoping my Saints can win home field advantage for the playoffs and throw some mud in Jerry Jones's eye while they're doing it. I'm a proud member of the "Who Dat Nation!"

I want the Cowboys to go down like a Boise St. player after a Blount sucker punch!

And now...Mark Sanchez eating a hotdog!

Banjo Or Freakout Save Christmas!

Here's an early Christmas present since you've been so good this year. Banjo Or Freakout have put together a fantastically spaced out Christmas record. It's great, and you can download the whole thing for free right here.

Ho Ho Ho!

Favorite Sports Scandal of the Year!

Tiger Woods having 40 million different affairs? Pshaw! That's not scandal, that's an episode of Sesame Street when compared to HOT DOG-GATE!!!

Mark "Dirty" Sanchez, formerly of USC fame, and now of New York Jets fame was chastised for eating a hot dog on the sideline during a game against the Oakland Raiders.



Later, when questioned about the incident, Mark responded that he had not felt well that morning and couldn't eat breakfast. As the game proceeded though, he got hungry, got a hot dog from the stands, put some mustard on it (above), and ate it (as discreetly as possible).

He also added that he, "probably just should have eaten one of those power bars or something."

Scandalous!

(Since i'm an idiot, and new at this whole in-ter-net(?) thing, please give me couple of days to figure out how to put actual video footage of hot dog mastication on my blog. Smiley-face.)

My dog is staring at me.

Wed: 228 lbs. (That's more like it.)

Listening:

Animal C0llective - "Fall Be Kind" EP: What a great year for these guys. The started it with my personal favorite record of the year, and end it with a great EP.

Pearl Harbor - "Something About the Chaparrals" 12": Another fine release from our friends over at Mexican Summer.

PENS/Dum Dum Girls/Crocodiles/Graffiti Island 7" split: Great bands. Great record.

And yes, my dog is indeed staring at me right at this moment. It's a bit unnerving. She's been running today. And, she's gone to the park. So, i don't know what her problem is. We're watching a VH1 (ugh!) documentary about N.W.A., so maybe that's making her disrespect my authority, cause she's straight outta the dog pound!

I'm a nerd.

Gorilla Vs. Bear

Mon: 231 lbs. (It's so hard not to imbibe during football season.)

I've got nothing to give you today, so why don't you just go over to Gorilla Vs. Bear. I like them alot, and they've got muchos downloads for you to enjoy! Word.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

This is one of my most favorite things ever.

ATL RMX at Adult Swim and fake weddings

Sun: 233 lbs. (gotta stop drinking so much beer)

You like Hotlanta hip-hop? Of course you do. You like indie deejays and what not? Sure. Go to Adult Swim to download their newest compilation. Young Jeezy, Gorilla Zoe, and Lil Jon do battle with Flying Lotus, El-P, Memory Tapes, Salem and more, more, more! And it's free! Hooray!

My friend got fake married in a fake ceremony last night in a real pub by an actual ordained minister dressed like Wyatt Earp. Excellent.

Bad Movies

What to watch tonight? What the hell to watch?

Bad movie night has become a tradition amongst my friends and i for the last 7 years. It started when Paige, my buddies Doug and Marty, and i tried to go see "Reign of Fire" in the theater. That would be the Mathew McConaughey/Christian Bale dragon movie. Yes, that "Reign of Fire." Anyway, it was fucking sold out! We couldn't fucking believe it! So, we went to the video store and rented "Glitter" (the Mariah Carey movie) and John McTiernen's remake of "Roller Ball." (Sadly, "Glitter" was better.)

Now we do it all the time. Lots and lots of horrible films have been viewed and mocked, but none will top "The Room." I can't even describe it. Everything about the thing is awful. The acting sucks. The dialogue is terrible. The cinematography looks like a bad Lifetime movie. And there's no narrative cohesiveness (and not in the arty-farty way). It's the worst movie i've ever seen...and it's fucking hilarious.

I've got to watch it again sometime. Nothing's going to come close to topping it until Paige and i finally screen our Ultimate Uwe Boll Night.

But i've gotta get prepped for that kind of trip.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

So, like Nancy Kerrigan, i was unable to perform tonight. No redneck related injuries or anything like that. The ice rink we went to was very, very small, and we have now opted to visit a larger rink on Sunday afternoon. So there's still time for me to win my silver yet.

Instead we saw "Fantastic Mr. Fox," and at the risk of sounding like some dullard movie reviewer, it was indeed, fantastic. Ugh. Anyway, i absolutely loved it. The previews made it look like Wes Anderson movie, just animated. And that's exactly what it is, from the British invasion soundtrack to Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman. And as an added bonus, Jarvis Cocker is in it...and he sings a song...about foxes. Excellent film. I need to get a bandit mask.

And tomorrow...work, a fake wedding reception at a pub, and bad movie night.

Like a crowbar to the knee

So, i'm taking my wife ice skating tonight. I've never been before. I suck at roller skating. This ought to be great!

Favorite 44 Songs of 2009 (i couldn't think of anymore)

Thurs: 231 lbs.

I swear to God, i'm harvesting fat for winter time. But enough of that. Here's the songs i really liked this year:

1. Zombi - "Spirit Animal"
2. Dan Deacon - "Snookered"
3. The Big Pink - "Velvet" (or also try the Gang Gang Dance Remix)
4. Steve Wilson - Significant Other"
5. MF Doom - That's That

6. Radiohead - "These Are My Twisted Words" (get the download here)
7. Fuck Buttons - "Surf Solar"
8. Animal Collective - "In The Flowers"
9. Animal Collective - "My Girls"
10. Woods - "Rain On Radio"

11. Girls - "Hellhole Ratrace" (get the download here as well as a bunch of other good stuff)
12. Girls - "Solitude"
13. Ganglians - "Valiant Brave"
14. Best Coast - "Sun Was High (So Was I)"
15. Neon Indian - "Should Have Taken Acid With You"

16. Sufjan Stevens - "You Are The Blood"
17. The Flaming Lips - "Watching The Planets"
18. The Flaming Lips - "The Sparrow Looks Up At The Machine"
19. Aceyalone - "Lonely Ones"
20. Jarvis Cocker - "I Never Said I Was Deep"

21. The Crocodiles - "I Wanna Kill" (get the download here)
22. Crystal Antlers - "Several Tongues"
23. Fever Ray - "Seven"
24. Atlas Sound - "Walkabout"
25. Muse - "I Belong To You"

26. Mos Def - "Auditorium"
27. NASA - "Strange Enough"
28. The Paperchase - "This Is Only A Test (The Tornado)"
29. The Very Best - "Kada Manja"
30. Why? - "Into The Shadows Oh My Embrace"

31. Antony & The Johnsons - "Crazy In Love" (yes, it's a cover of that "Crazy In Love")
32. Stardeath & White Dwarfs - "Smoking Pot Makes Me Not Want To Kill Myself"
33. Fucked Up - "No Epiphany (No Age Remix)"
34. Wavves - "So Bored"
35. The Bananas - "Gentrification For Dummies"

36. Subway - "Xam"
37. Harlem - "South Of France"
38. Health - "Die Slow"
39. Salem - "Frost"
40. Little Girls - "History"

41. Twisted Wires - "Oh Hell"
42. Sun Araw - "Horse Steppin"
43. Kurt Vile - "Beach On The Moon (Recycled Lyrics)"
44. Real Estate - "Beach Comber"

And i guess i'll make up one for #45. I wrote a song this year called, "Legends and Histories," and i like it a lot. So there's 45!

Top Albums of 2009

Tues: 231 lbs. (bah humbug!)

So, the year is at it's end, and just like every other jackass out there, i'm feeling inclined to let you know my favorite records of the year. As with all my lists, i don't take any kind of cultural factors into account. I don't care what's important, these are just the ones that i like.

(In no particular order of course.)

1. Animal Collective - "Merriweather Post Pavilion": Ok, so actually this is my favorite of the year, so that's why it's at #1. To be honest, i love Animal Collective. Everything they create just flabbergasts me, but this record is by far the best and most complete album they've ever put to tape. It came out in January (the same day we got our dog Sydney by the way) and set the tone for the rest of the year. And nothing has matched it...but they've got an EP coming out next week, so who knows?

2. Ganglians - "Monster Head Room": Indie-psychedelic-folk-rock! Maybe that doesn't sound appealing to you, but if it does, these guys do it better than anyone else. Especially check out the song "Valiant Brave," which you'll see more of when i unveil my best songs of '09 list.

3. Dangermouse and Sparklehorse - "Dark Night of The Soul": Dangermouse? Check. Sparklehorse? Check. The Flaming Lips? Check. Jason Lytle of Grandaddy? Check. Gruff Rhys of Super Furry Animals? Check. Julian Casablancas? Check. Black Francis? Check. Iggy Pop? Check. And David Lynch providing visuals and some vocals? Check. There's even more than that? Check. Why the fuck won't EMI release this? That's a good question. We should probably all burn their offices down.

4. Zombi - "Spirit Animal": Imagine if Goblin were still around making awesome music for Italian horror movies. Fuck yeah.

5. Dan Deacon - "Bromst": This is a great indie-pop record, and by the end you'll be craving a glow stick and pacifier and wondering when that pill you took will kick in. Dance motherfucker!

6. Crystal Antlers - "Tentacles": Probably the best of the recent rash of "crystal" bands this year, this record is a cacophony of noise and melody. It's a garage rock opus.

7. The Flaming Lips - "Embryonic": The best record they've done since 1999's "The Soft Bulletin," and also one of the weirdest. Must have!

8. Mos Def - "The Ecstatic": I've always liked Mos Def when he's rapping or acting, but this record pretty much tops everything prior. The opening track starts with a sample from Turkish psychedelic rocker Selda's "Ince Ince," and the pace continues from there through a hodgepodge of styles.

9. The Paperchase - "Someday This Could All Be Yours, Vol. 1": I've never been able to really classify these guys into any discernible genre. They've got moments of prog rock, moments of emo (ugh!), and enough experimental noise to make your parents yell at you to "turn that shit down." Always moody. Always a little creepy, John Congleton and Co. scream hellfire at you like a southern minister while undressing you with their eyes. Yeah!

10. Them Crooked Vultures - "s/t": While this may just sound like another Queens of The Stone Age record, Homme, Grohl, and Jones churn out better music here than half the hard rock or heavy metal bands you know.

11. Steven Wilson - "Insurgentes": Prog rock solo record from the lead singer of prog rock band Porcupine Tree. It's good. I promise.

12. Blakroc - "s/t": The Black Keys manage to create one of the best hip-hop albums of the year with a slew of guests from Mos Def to The RZA to Ludacris. Psychedelic blues rock and rappers. Who knew?

13. Mount Eerie - "Wind's Poem": Continuing in the tradition they began when they were The Microphones, Mount Eerie create another pitch perfect mesh of moody indie rock, folk, and noise.

14. Girls - "Album": 50's style rock and doo-wop melodies from a couple of stoners in San Francisco. Oh, and the singer sounds like Elvis Costello. How could you not like this?

15. Fuck Buttons - "Tarot Sport": An electro-ambient-kraut rock masterpiece. If that previous sentence means anything to you, this record cannot be topped.

16. NASA - "The Spirit of Apollo": Another hip-hop album. I'm really proud of myself. So the story is that a deejay from North America and a deejay from South America (hence NASA) got together to mesh there numerous sounds and tastes together, and then got everyone from Fatlip to The Yeah Yeah Yeahs to MIA to Kanye West to KRS One to Tom Waits, etc. to come along for some vocals. As an added bonus, one of the tracks features a sample from "Duckjob," that email from 10 years ago that had some guy talking in a Donald Duck voice getting a blowjob, if you're into that sort of thing.

17. No Age - "Losing Feeling": An EP that's even better than their superb LP "Nouns" from 2008. I cannot wait for what's next.

18. Kurt Vile - "...God Is Saying This To You": Spaced out folk jams, from a guy who put out three and a half records this year. (All of them are good by the way.)

19. "Dark Was The Night" Compilation: A 2 disc benefit collection that's actually good you say? Yes. Everyone and their dog contributed to this sucker. It's a little moody, but i guess you really shouldn't expect something different from an AIDS benefit record. Go buy it now. You'll be helping yourself and others. Hooray!

20. "Inglourious Basterds" OST: So, i know none of the material on this record is new. Hell, except for Bowie's "Cat People," there's really nothing from after 1970, but the whole thing's just put together so well. This is probably my favorite record to listen to while i'm reading. It just works. Kudos Tarantino.

And that's that. What did you listen to this year?

Love

Now, i don't mean to sound gay or anything, but i love John Purves.

Let me clarify. John has been a friend of mine since 7th grade. He and i were roommates in college (before McCoy and Shipley there was Williams and Purves), we were in each other's weddings, la la la. Anyway, John decided to blow his wad on a sports package to see the National Championship game on Jan 7th. Yeah, the Texas - Alabama game. And he asked me to accompany him. So i'm goin' to Pasadena mofos!

I might have to do some stuff i never thought i'd have to do to repay the man.

Between Texas and New Orleans this weekend, i almost had a Goddamn heart attack!

Mon: 230 lbs. (hmmmmm)

So look at the title of this blog. Texas barely won the Big 12 Title game to Nebraska by kicking a field goal with 1 second left on the clock (due to some time mismanagement by the usually stellar McCoy). Then on Sunday, the now 12 - 0 Saints were able to defeat the now 3 - 9 Redskins in overtime. My dog doesn't like me to yell, but how can i not. Oh, and when the Cowboys game preempted my New Orleans game with a minute and half left with the Saints driving to tie the game, yeah, that sucked too.

There is now a throbbing vein in my forehead.

Damn

Sun: 230 lbs.

Damn.

The Holy Mountain

I just watched "The Holy Mountain."

Evidently, after some college football, i like to wind down with some avant garde film making. Anyway, this is the weirdest movie i've ever seen in my life. And i was a film major for God's sake. I've seen weird. All those college kids who think they're the next David Lynch? I've seen their films, and "Holy Mountain" is weirder. It's like a Luis Bunuel film on even more acid.

OK, so there's a seen where a thief (who looks like Jesus and who's already been crucified) craps into a glass bowl, and is then sealed into a glass chamber. The crap is then burned, and the smoke from said burned crap is then pumped through tubes that connect to the glass chamber that our Jesus metaphor is locked in.

There's also a scene where a naked woman with an afro fucks a giant computer with a 6 ft. dildo, and the computer cums.

Oh, and let's not forget the jump cutting between a bull fucking a cow and a woman getting laying on the ground getting smacked in the mouth with a fist until a pound of fluid (semen?) splashes down on her head.

We end with a group of strange men dressed in blue in the middle of a mountain setting flipping over a table and saying, "enough of the holy mountain," onto something real. Indeed.

If you're going to watch this film, please smoke a shitload of weed before you do. Or, at least drop some acid. It's what it's for.

13 - 12 Texas! Holy Shit!

I almost pooped myself. We looked like shit, but we won with a field goal in the last second of the game. Now i'm listening to sports pundits say that Texas might get passed up by TCU or Cincinnati to go to the national championship game. Hell, Chris Fowler is still saying that Florida could go. FAH Q!!!!!!!

Yeah, it was ugly. Utter poop. But if i don't see an Alabama/Texas national championship game, i'm calling shenanigans! Maybe Bama will kick the crap out of us. But we should be there.

So, since you didn't ask for it, here are my BCS bowl projections:

National Championship Game: Alabama vs. Texas

Rose Bowl: Oregon vs. Ohio St.

Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma St. vs. Boise St. (or maybe Iowa...man, that would piss Idaho off)

Sugar Bowl: Florida vs. TCU

Orange Bowl: Cincinnati vs. Georgia Tech

So there.

Ugh!

Wow! The Texas defense has held Nebraska to a total of 32 yards of offense in the first half of the Big 12 Championship game. And that would be great if our offense wasn't sucking so much cock. Four 3-and-outs, a blocked punt, two interceptions by Heisman contender Colt McCoy, and just general all-around Greg Davis suckery.

You know that play that Texas runs all the time where the QB does a quick, short vertical pass to the wide receiver behind the line of scrimmage? You know. That one that never, ever works? Yeah, well we've run that twice already tonight. One for a loss, and the other incomplete (although had Kirkendoll caught it, he would have immediately been nailed by two Nebraska defenders).

This game is giving me a headache. At least i've got beer. And the presumption that at least five new "Fire Greg Davis" websites or blogs have popped up over the 30 minutes.

Hook 'em Horns!

Please.

Shut up you fucking baby! or, Tim Tebow's a bitch.

So, i'm home from work and watching a little SEC championship, and i love what' happening to Tim Tebow and Florida. I love it. It's a little unfortunate that Texas won't get to play them now, because all of America wanted to see a McCoy/Tebow showdown, but it's lovely to see the disdain and bitter tears that are welling up in those little Tebow eyes. Thank Christ he's a senior, and we won't have to hear the national sports media sucking his dick anymore. "What about the NFL?" you may ask. If he makes it, he'll be a mediocre tight end at best. So long Tim. I'd say it was great knowing ya, but i'd be lying through my asshole. I hope TCU knocks you on your ass during the Sugar Bowl. Bitch.

Oh, and in a non-Tim Tebow bashing aside, check out the new album by Blakroc. It's got The Black Keys playing their standard psychedelic blues rock, but with rapping from the likes of Mos Def, Raekwon, the RZA, and more. Possible the last great record of the year. But, there is an Animal Collective EP waiting in the wings.

Fuck Tebow.

Snow? Not really.

Thurs: 230 lbs.

Fri: 230 lbs.

I think my winter time fat is getting thicker and heavier. That being said, i guess it should have protected me from the cold and snow today. Snow that lasted for about 20 minutes before the sun came out and the clouds all went away. Snow. Pfft.

Listening:

Topaz Rags - "Capricorn Born Again" LP
Sex Worker - "The Labor of Love" LP
Dylan Ettinger & The Heat - "Smokin" 7"

Check out Not Not Fun Records for these and more bitchin albums. They've got all kinds of droney, experimental rock records. Great for doing drugs to (if you're in to that kind of thing, ahem).

Also listening:

Madvillain - "Madvillainy" CD

Big Business - "Mind The Drift" CD

Madlib - "Beat Konducta In India" CD

Jane - "Berserker" LP (Noah Lennox, aka Panda Bear from Animal Collective)

This Will Destroy You - s/t LP

-So, i apparently enjoy heavy metal, hip-hop, experimental psychedelic rock, and moody, atmospheric ambient music. I am so much cooler than you are. But don't worry, i'm out of shape, and i have a funny looking beard.

Went running this morning...almost threw up

Wed: 228 lbs.

So after a 3 week sabbatical, i officially began working out again today. Unfortunately, i made an egregious error in judgement before doing so. Last night, i had 3 or 4 too many cocktails while watching "The Silent Partner" (awesome film by the way), so there was a lot of alcohol still in my brain this morning. Evidently, the running made the delayed hangover begin. Yea! I also drank a great big glass of chocolate milk this morning when i got up. Bad idea. So, today i learned that running with milk in the belly (even an hour later) causes bad things to happen. I had to stop at a mile and a half because i could taste the chocolate coming back up in my throat. I truly am a special man.

38 - 17!

The New Orleans Saints defeated the New England Patriots on Monday Night Football 38 to 17. Drew Brees threw for 371 yards and 5 touchdowns to 5 different receivers.

Tom Brady looked like a bitch...or a drowned cat.

Shit yeah!